So, I’ve been doing this here thing for awhile and it occurs to me that I often sound like a broken record.  I speak of my messy house, unruly children and what is lacking.  It kinda sounds as if I’m bellyaching at times. 

Well, I want to set the record straight.

I am not bellyaching or whining or anything like that at all.  I like to think I’m keeping life in perspective with a bit of sarcastic humor.

Oh how I do love a good bit of sarcasm.  It’s like savouring a delicious morsel of meat that is not over done nor under done and has just a touch of sweetness. 

Do you know what I mean my friend? 

Please tell me you know.

Anyway, I feel that if I put these things out there, these things that could use some tweaking in my life, it reminds me to do a little better – even if for just a little bit.

I’ve got a new thing I’m trying.

I have a friend that gives me assignments for my home every day.  We just started Monday, but it does feel good to do more than I’ve been doing in evenings past. 

It may seem silly to have someone tell you what to do, but it really helps me.  Some people need help with decorating their homes or picking out proper clothing and I need help with where to start making my house more organized. 

This is what I’m saying today.  I’m going to keep trying and eventually I’ll get it right. 

You keep trying too at whatever it is that you find to be your nemesis. 

Nemesis is a great word. 

Fruition is a great word too. 

We will conquer our nemesis so that our plans may come to fruition!  Hear hear!  Let’s have a cheer!

I am so smiling from ear to ear!  I love words! 

It kills me to see my teenager text with abbreviations and incorrect spelling purposely.  Isn’t it the human language that separates us from animals? 

Come to think of it, most teenagers are some what like untamed animals since their hormones are running amuck.

Amuck is a good word too. 

I love it in the movie Hocus Pocus when the flakiest of the Sanderson Sisters (Sarah Jessica Parker) says, “Amuck, amuck, amuck!”  If you’re unsure of what I’m talking about, you must see this movie at Halloween time next year.  It’s a hoot!

And the above conversation is why I need someone to tell me what to do.  I become distracted a little too easily.

Thank you God for people in my life that take pity on me and try to help guide me.

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

Somebody defined it as doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.   I could find out who the somebody is, but it would take more effort than I’m willing to exert right now. 

Hmmmm.

Do you live there?

I believe I do most days.

Just ask the people that live with me.

Of course, they too, live there.  Insanity is an equal opportunity predator.  Age means nothing to it.  Race and income and status quo are not factors in who it attacks.  This is most apparent to me when getting the little darlins’ ready for school in the morning and the dreaded bed time. 

I often find myself saying, “Why is it so hard to just do what I tell you to do?”   But it is hard.  It’s hard when you’re a little boy distracted by legos you didn’t get to finish last night and Sponge Bob is on TV.  It’s hard when your brother is sticking his tongue out at you and saying some not so nice things to get a rise out of you.  It’s hard.

If it weren’t, my sink would never be full of dishes and there would be no hard water stains or soap scum in my bathrooms.  My van would be clean too.  There would also be no piles in the laundry room – or at the foot of my bed.

Yep, insanity is where I live.

Wanna come visit?

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

I thought I’d check in and let you know how I did.  I did not get the living room taken care of, but I forgot that a class I’ve been attending on Thursdays was moved to Tuesday this week.  By the time I got home, it was time to put the kids and myself to bed. 

I’m going to take a crack at it tonight. 

I did drink plenty of water and I did contact family.

Then there was the dreaming.  I dream often while I’m awake, so that was a give away for me. 

What is it that I dream?

I dream about being a stay at home mom, even though the little darlin’s are in school, and I dream of being a writer to support us.  Currently I’m dreaming of jewelry and an Etsy shop on the side too. 

Isn’t Etsy divine? 

You don’t have to answer.  I already know.

I also dream of eating 90% of  meals at the kitchen table, that is properly set, and having discussion about everyone’s day and what is happening in the world.  I would like for the discussion to mind expanding.

I dream of an inviting house, inside and out, and people stopping by just because. 

Don’t read into this. Don’t stop by now because I will not let you in.  I do not carry enough homeowner’s insurance to cover any accident should something happen to you once you cross my threshold.  We (the family) know how to navigate the terrain inside our home because it’s our natural habitat.  It is not yours.  You will get hurt.  I would feel badly.

To continue the dream, I dream that I awaken refreshed every morning and exercise for 45 minutes and then eat a healthy breakfast.  Of course this coincides with the dream of eating at the table and having engaging conversation.

I dream that I’m adorable size 4 and all things I wear look adorable on me.

I dream that my children are not only considerate and thoughtful outside the home, but to each other as well.

I dream that we take two family vacations every year.  One vacation is simply for fun and bonding.  The other is a family mission trip.  I really do want to do this.  Besides, if all this other dreaming comes to fruition, we’ll need something to ground us.  Don’t you think?

I dream that I am the Godly wife and mother. 

I dream of infinite patience, which is required for the above dream.

I dream of world peace and prosperity and that we all know and love Jesus and want what our God wants, not what we want!

I dream  . . . . . . . . .  uh oh.

I think the previously stated dream may make some of my other dreams frivolous.  It may null and void them. 

Well, not all of them.

Maybe I should go back and talk to DS#1 and we should discuss that it’s not all about me.

I do think, however, that even Jesus wants peace and order in my house. 

No, you still can’t come over.

I’ll let you know how tonight goes, and maybe, just maybe, this weekend. 

Or maybe not.

I think we need to work on table manners first.

Blessings & Hug, Elizabeth

So here it is.  This is the deal. We are in the 3rd week in January and I’ve really not committed to my living my life the way one should. 

Remember when I said this was doable?  It absolutely is. 

I’m sure of it.

I just haven’t tried it.

So this is my new challenge. 

Today I will drink plenty of water and get rid of anything that is not useful, beautiful or joyful in my living room.  Well, the living room thing will be tonight.   I will email or call at least one family member today.  I will also dream more while I’m awake. 

I’ve taken something from each category to do and I think you should too.  There’s power in numbers, so if we do it together we have a better chance.

I’ll check back here tomorrow to let you know how I did and see what you did too. 

If we all do this, by this time next month what could have changed in our lives?  Hmmmm. 

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

This isn’t about my Mama at all – but don’t you just hate it when they’re right and you’re wrong? 

Awe, c’mon!  You know you do too. 

And it’s our job to make sure our children hate it when we’re right. 

Really, it is.

It’s a family tradition.

How did I get off the subject before I was even on it? 

Well, well then

The story was/is this.

Yesterday, I decided the hubster and I were going to be unproductive for the afternoon – after church and lunch.  We’ve been watching the complete series of The West Wing.  I’m totally hooked and like that I don’t have to wait to see what next week holds.

DS#1 asked what we were doing yesterday afternoon.  I told him we were doing nothing.  I said his dad and I were going to watch The West Wing all afternoon and I was going to make some jewelry – my newest obsession that keeps me from housework.   He and the other two boys wanted us to all play Rock Band on the Wii.

It was working out beautifully until DS#3 started his plea about all that is unjust in his world.  I said, “Listen, today this is what I’m doing.  You can occupy your own time – it’s good for you.  Today I declare about me.  Me, I tell you. It’s all about me and what I want to do today.’

So much for being a selfless parent.

This is what DS#3 informed me of in his response. “It is not all about you.  It’s Sunday and it’s all about Jesus.  It’s supposed to be about Jesus every day.  It’s not all about you!”

Dang it!  I hate it when the 9 year old is right.

I ignored him, because I’m not totally sure Jesus was wanting us to play Rock Band, and continued my “day of rest”.

Just so you know, I did fix meals so they weren’t totally on their own.  I even fixed homemade donuts later in the evening.  It was after that, the donuts, that I received the comment, “You’re the best mommy ever!”

I know it made DS#1 happy – hopefully it made Jesus happy too.

Even though the kiddos just got back in school, they’ve got a snow day today. 

I wish I had a snow day.  Really, really!

DH is taking them to their uncle’s house to go sledding this afternoon.  I’m sorry I won’t be with them to see the joy on their faces, but such tis life sometimes. 

Frankly, I think DH is sorry too, because he doesn’t have the same appreciation for snow that I do.

You know, that’s what makes relationships work.  It’s only when you can appreciate your mate’s differences that you can find true joy. 

Just my humble oppinion.

What’s that?  Have we arrived there as a couple?  Well, nooooo.  Have you?  Didn’t think so sister.

I remember snow days when I was growing up.  They seemed almost magical.  I lived in a terrific neighborhood when my mom could bundle me up and send me out the door to play with my friends.  When we were done, we always, and I mean always, had hot chocolate to warm back up.  I hope my boys get that same feeling today.

One thing we do, even if we can’t get out much in the snow, is have Pepsi floats.  That’s what we call them.  We take our plastic cups and pack them as tightly as possible with clean snow.  I must stress, clean snow. We then take them in the house and pour Pepsi over them.  I know it may sound a little like, “So what.”, but the kids think it’s great.  It’s special because you don’t get to do this every day. 

I do love the snow. 

I think I may dress them back up when I get home, go out with them and make snow angels. 

Do you like the snow?  Want to join me?

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

Awwww c’mon.  Did you really expect me to be on time?

I didn’t think so.

See, if I lower your expectations, then you’re pleasantly surprised when I post.

I may even exceed your expectations.

Wouldn’t that be something?  Exceeding expectations by lowering them.  Hmmmmm.  There could be some deep philosophical stuff going on there . . . . . so I’d better leave it all alone.

I’ve had a great start to the new year, thank you for asking.

Have you.

On January 1 the hubster and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. 

On one hand it sounds like quite an accomplishment.  On the other hand, we’ve only been semi- conscious state because I came into the marriage with a 5 year old little girl and then we had 3 boys in 4 years.  Now that DS#3 is in kindergarten, I finally feel like I’m almost back to normal.  I don’t know if my dear husband will ever be back to near normal. 

What is normal anyway?  I know I’ve asked this question to you before, but I’ve yet to get an answer.

Hello?  Knock, Knock, Knock  Helllllooooooo Out Theeerrrreee!

So, anyway, I’ve spent 10 wonderful years with a wonderful man. 

(Thank you dear, if you’re reading.)

You want to know what the best thing was about celebrating our anniversary?

No! Not that!  Well, it was . . . . Wait!  I can’t talk about this here.

What I was referring to was that he made arrangements for the kiddos so we could go out all by ourselves.  I gotta tell ya, not having to make the arrangements did something special to me.  I mean, wow, how many times do you wish it was all taken care of and you didn’t have to worry about it. 

It was taken care of. 

He was a very good boy and I told him so.

*sigh*  My heart goes pitty pat just thinking about it again. 

Well, now I’m all aflutter and can’t think of anything else. 

I’ll try and have a mind blowing post for you tomorrow. 

No, I’ll try and make it an entertaining post.  Yeah.  I don’t know what might happen if I did something mind blowing.

Could be scary.

Talk to you later friends!

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

So here we are.  We’re at the end of 2009. 

What does that mean for you?  Really, I’d like to know. 

When we’re at the end of something, then there must be a beginning right around the corner.  Or we hope so anyway.  I like to think that when you’re at the end of one thing, you’re also at a new beginning of another.

Let’s just hope the end is not a rope off of a cliff with the beginning being a 30ft drop to the ground. 

That would be bad.  Very, very bad. 

So, let’s assume that while we are now at the end, there’s a beautiful beginning about to happen tomorrow. 

Oh my gosh! 

I feel something coming over me.  Yes ma’am I do!

I was going to say dream in vivid color in our Lord’s year of 2010 and then that made me think of Don Quixote in The Man of La Mancha and the song Dream The Impossible Dream and now I’m thinking this is exactly how I need to end my posts for 2009. 

I just LOVE inspiration.  I would even go so far as to say this was divine inspiration!

Yep.

I’m gonna do it.

Here it is -Richard’s Kiley’s voice is from God.  Truly, truly my friends.  It’s short so don’t skip it.  (addendum – click the link and it will take you directly to it at youtube.  I don’t know why it wants to work that way, but work with me and do it – you won’t be sorry.) (additional addendum – if you’re sorry, then go out and find something that inspires you for the new year and you may need a therapist because this is great, classic musical theater. Nope, I’m sure it’s not just my opinion. )

Here’s to your new beginning!  May it be the best yet.

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

I’m not much for heavy posts.  I try to keep things light and airy.  I totally try to avoid substance.  It might tax my mind and this is like way cheap therapy for me.  

As I typed that last sentence I’m wondering if it might not be a good thing to let the world in on personal therapy.

Hmmmmmm.

I’ll ponder that while I continue.  After all, the cat is out of the bag and I’m too tired to chase it.

I’ve been letting my circumstances that surround me dictate my moods. 

Do you ever do that? 

Feelings are fickle.  They can change on a dime.  On a scale from 1-10 I’d have to say I’m close to a 20 in the emotional department.  Sometimes I think there is one inch pipe located in my body with its outlet being my tear ducts.  Just ask DH or any of the kiddos. 

So I scanned back in my posts and I didn’t recall writing about this situation. 

What better time than at the end of the year to purge unneccessary items in our lives.

It’s time to build a bridge and get over it sister!

Build a bridge over what you say?

Well, at one point or another I’ve had a least ten conversations with most of you about this.  The “this” I speak of is the choice that DD made to go live with her dad.  I wish I could have stopped her and made her stay.  I wish she would have felt like our home was the best place in the whole world.  I wish I could fully know and understand her feelings about it all.  I wish  . . . . . . . . .It does no good to wish because the stark reality is she’s there and I’m here.  Her bonus dad is here.  Her brothers are here.  She is there. She is not here.

I can talk to my friends until I’m blue in the face and reason it all out in my mind.  At the forefront of my thoughts is she’s a teenager and we all know their wiring short circuits for anywhere from 5 -10years, depending on the model you have.   I think as a general rule, mothers and daughters have a rocky relationship during the teen years.  I also know, whether she believes it or anyone else believes it, she’s been encouraged to dwell on her feelings of  being less than pleased with her mom.  She’s been encouraged to hide things from our family and this has caused her to falsely distrust us.  There are many unhealthy relationships in the ex’s family, but he is her family too.  It’s hard to be hard on your family.  It’s not hard to be hard on your ex – for the most part.  I’m sure he has a compelling side to his story if you were to ask. 

I have to say that I think there were many deceptive practices practiced upon my sweet little girl.  She’s still sweet, just a misguided teenager.  Then again, aren’t they all misguided? 

It’s not anywhere near utopic at our house, but I believe we offer more stability, guidance and normalcy than her dad. 

Two and a half years ago her dad shared with me that he was not really interested in relationships with women – including when we were married.  After he shared it with me, he shared it with our daughter.  Once again, speculation on my part, but I believe she really already knew.  My DH and I had suspected for some time.  Turns out I had some family members suspect before I wedded the ex.  Wish I would have had their insight – but then I wouldn’t have DD. 

So, to move on the “elephant” thing – there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about what I might have done differently to prevent this.  There’s not a day that goes by that my heart doesn’t ache so badly that I think it may explode.  There’s not a day that goes by that the thought, “What kind of mother must I be?” doesn’t cross my mind.  It’s shaken me to my core, no doubt.

Am I throwing myself a pity party?  Somedays.  Somedays I think it’s a tool of the “Great Deceiver” to keep me down.  It’s familiar and easy to go there.

Strangely enough, this whole process is harder when she’s around.  She acts like there’s not a thing wrong.  She wants to hug me, kiss me, hang on me, for me to rub her back, to sit almost on top of me on the couch and my complete and undivided attention.  Makes me feel a bit bi-polar.

I’m angry.  I’m resentful.  My heart is broken in a million pieces.  ( I can also be dramatic, but not here – not now)

It’s not just me.  There’s DH.  He doesn’t express things the way I do, but I believe there’s hurt and anger for him too.  My boys, DS#1 goes back and forth between sad and angry, DS#2 misses her so much and talks of her often and DS#3 does all of the above.  It’s hard to process it all when you’re 9, 7 & 5.

There is an upside to this.  The upside is that there is another side.  There is a side opposite of where I am right now.  Right now the tunnel is narrow and dark and rank and feels as if it’s never-ending.  It will end.  There will be light.  Just because I can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

While I may feel as if I’m treading water – even slipping below the surface sometimes – I know there is hope.  I know there is hope because I know Jesus.  My feelings are fickle, but He is not.  He is constant.  I pray that He use this situation in our lives to His glory.  I have found that I’m not at all alone and many children of divorce make this choice.  There’s a price to pay for all of us that have been touched by divorce.  (This will be another heavy-duty post on another day, thank you.) 

My price and my burden do not have to be as heavy as they are because Jesus will handle this for me. 

Let this my New Year’s Resolution - Jesus, carry my burden as I lean on you.  Let my heart be on fire for you, Lord - not from the pain in the world. 

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

I wanted to share two quotes from my little darlins’ that touched me.  They touched me in very different ways, but none the less, they touched me.  

I guess I’m touchy feely today.

Hahahaheeeeheeee ho     uh hum. 

It’s not so go when I crack myself up

I will start with our church’s Christmas Eve Eve service.  That’s right – Christmas Eve Eve.  We had our candle light service on Wednesday instead of Thursday.  It was a little odd for some, but it worked out great for my family. 

So, on with the story.  There are always more people in special services than regular services.  I guess that’s why they’re special.  There seemed to be a lot of families with restless children.  The youngest of children started loudly voicing their objections to sitting still  a bit more than half way through the service.  It was at this point that my eldest son leaned over to the eldest member of our family – my mama – and said, “I thought we were at church, not a baby convention.”  And it was also at this point that the hand of God kept my mama from laughing uncontrollably and further disrupting the service. 

Don’t tell me God doesn’t perform miracles any more!

The other quote is what every parent shoots for on Christmas Day.  After the little darlins’ woke us up at 3:30am – no, that is not a typo – my hubby and I spent most of the rest of the day in a semi-conscious state.  We did play with them and their new goodies and engage with them as parents should, but we were on auto pilot for the most part.  We ain’t as young as we used to be and sleep is a precious commodity in my book.  The kiddos will confirm we are officially “old”.  It wasn’t what I would call a particularly spectacular day, but there was little infighting among the troops and the mood was generally good.  I asked at the end of the day if they all thought it had been a good day.  They all agreed and then DS#2 said, “It’s been the best day of my life!”  Wow.  All 7 years and 2 months of it.  Him saying that immediately made it one of the best days of my life as well. 

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth