Posted by: simplyelizabeth | April 23, 2008

A Little Toilet Humor

Truly, some of you will find this funny and others will be apalled.  Which ever way you go, it is my life . . .most everyday.  I cannot emphasize enough that I am in need of prayer – for sanity to come to my house (notice I did not say return for it has yet to arrive), for things to find “a place for everything & everything in it’s place”, for calm instead of calamity and to find the floors in my children’s rooms.   This leads up to a conversation I had with DS#3 last night.  He kept pulling at the back of his shorts and it just looked inappropriate.  I said, “DS#3, quit pulling at the back of you shorts. Leave them alone.”  He said, “My underwear is stuck to my butt!”  Yes, it is in quotes because that is exactly what he said.  I told him, “It is not and say bottom.”  I mean, come on now, how crazy does that sound?  I’ve already learned the hard way to keep the super glue put up where only my 6’5″ strapping, handsome, ridiculously sexy husband can reach it.  (I’m thinking of you honey. 🙂  Are you free later?)  OK, back to DS#3.  I said, “It is not.  How could it be stuck?”  He said, “It’s syrup.”  I said, “Syrup!?!? No way!  Come here.”  Well, it (the underwear) most certainly stuck.  I soon found out that it was not syrup – it was gum.  Who sticks chewed gum down their underwear and what are they thinking will happen if they do?  Let me remind you that DS #3 has a broken wrist that is in full cast, so he will not pull it off when it gets too itchy, and the cast is on his right arm.  He’s right handed.  Yes, I am concerned about what he can accomplish while “handicapped”, so to speak, and what more he’ll be able to do in 5 more weeks when it’s off and has full use of both hands and arms.  I will comence this story by saying, Spiderman will never be the same.  He has suffered a cruel and unusual fate and my poor baby has red spot on his butt, I mean bottom, from the whole sticky incident.  Wait!  Maybe Spidey tried to web him!  I’ll have to keep an eye on the underwear drawer.  We may be under attack from Spiderman, Mater, Lightning McQueen, Spongebob and Scooby Doo and not even know it! 

I felt under attack from my DH this morning.  I know I just gave him a kudos, but since we’re talking about bottoms and stuff, I must share what happened to me this morning.  I got up to get dressed so I could go work out and get a firm bod before the end of summer.  (I know it’s not happening before summer, so I try to be realistic in my expectations.)  Really, at this point, I’d be happy if I just had a firm part of any kind.  That’s another discussion – possibly I should save that for the therapist.  Anyway!  I go into the bathroom, turn on the little light (I don’t like it too bright) and go to sit down on the toilet.  It’s the first thing I have to do.  I don’t know that I could make it if we didn’t have the bathroom right next to us. All of the sudden I feel like I’m on some really bad ride.  I go to sit and fall in water and jump back up but can’t put the seat down because I’m in the middle of some serious business.  You can’t start and stop things like you could as a young adult .  Bringing forth 4 children from ones loins tends to distort ones bladder and the muscles surrounding it.  I believed I explained this already in a previous post about Anita Renfroe.  I’m sure you will all be proud of me though.  I did not scream nor come at DH with a sharp weapon while he lay sleeping soundly next door.  I got a bit of a work out before I intended to work out.  I have a friend who says squats really help you with your quads and behind.  Maybe hubby was just trying to help me out.  I did discuss it with him calmly later in the morning.  I believe he’s assured me to pay better attention to that situation.  In his defense, this has not been a battle for us in the past.  I plan on convincing him it will not be one in the future either. 

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth 

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Responses

  1. Oh my goodness, I am literally laughing out loud!!!!

  2. Amber – You’re too easy chick! Was Liane looking at you funny? Or was it Mitch? Wait a minute, he always looks funny!


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