Posted by: simplyelizabeth | October 2, 2008

Swine for sale? Anyone?

I’m looking for a pig or two to buy.  If you have one for sale I need to know.  I’m going to take it/them (if I can get a two for one deal or maybe even a buy two get one free special) to a cliff and bring my children with me.  I will be casting out demons in Jesus name – seriously.

I realize this all sounds disturbing, but Jesus did it and with the power of the Holy Spirit so can I.  You can come with me if you have your own pig and a child with demons.  You don’t need the pig if your child doesn’t have demons.  Is there a child out there that way?

Are you still with me or have you called the authorities?  Truly, let me clarify what I’m talking about.  See, we had an evangelist at our church earlier this week.  He was really good.  Really good.  Really, really good.  So on Monday he preached about a “Nude Dude in a Running Mood”.  Yep.  You’re right.  It doesn’t sound very Baptist at all.  It was though.  And you know, with three little guys, bathtime makes for nude dudes that like to run in the house.  Now, DS#1 has become modest in the last year or so.  He no longer finds joy in running nude through the house.  DS#2 & DS#3 are a whole other story.  They get the most joy out of it when they can make their sister shreik. 

I digress.

So in the books of Luke, Mark & John there’s an account of a crazy demon possessed man that lives in a grave yard.  (Yeah, you’d have to be crazy to live in a grave yard.)  He’s nude or naked or in his birthday suit or however you want to say it.  Jesus comes to the village in which he lives.  The man knows deep down inside things aren’t right with him because he comes to the Lord and falls before him.  Jesus commands the demons leave him and go into the swine that are on the hill side.  Because Jesus is Jesus, the demons go into the swine/pigs and run off the cliff on the hill side and fall into the water below.   The man is suddenly transformed and told to go tell others what Jesus has done for them.  That’s the Cliff Note’s(get it, “cliff notes”)  version of the story.  (Yes, I made myself laugh.)

I tell you all this to let you know that I believe there are times in my house when my children become demon possessed.  Do you all ever have this problem?  Be truthful now.  As my mother said, “I may not know if you’re telling the truth, but you know and more importantly, God knows.”  How’s that for heaping helping of mama guilt. (Hey, you gotta do what works. )  Anyway, this is why I’m thinking about the pigs.  I think they could really come in handy.

Case in point – the other morning DS#3 was not ready to get up and face the world.  Being his tender hearted mommy, I gently sang Rise and shine and give God your glory, glory.  Rise and shine and give God your glory, glory.  Rise and shine and (small clap here) give God your glory, glory, children of the Lord.  What a good ‘Good Morning’ song.  He enjoyed me singing and tenderly rubbing his back until the song ended and I said, “Rise and shine baby.  Time to get up, get going and give God your glory this morning.” Suddenly a demon overtook my sweet boy.  He flipped over and a demonic voice came forth saying, “No! I no give God my glory!  I no get up!”  It disturbed me dear friends on a couple of different levels.  First and foremost, I don’t think God likes it when we say no.  I mean, look at what happened to Pharaoh when he said no repeatedly to God.  Not good folks. There were plagues, water turning to blood and destruction all around.  I just don’t need another mess in my house.  I’ve got more messes than I can handle the way it is now.  The other disturbance was how he could turn so quickly.  I mean one moment he’s my sweet baby boy and the next he’s telling me no in some deep grumbly voice like he’s in charge.  Can I just say, I don’t like it when my children tell me no anymore than God does.  If I said it, do it.  Because I said so.  Because I’m the mommy – ie Boss.  I tried to be nice about.  Gosh, how many times do you think God has this conversation with us – but we’re not talking about us – we’re talking about disobedient kiddos – right?

OK – I’m now babbling so I’ll wrap it up.  In conclusion, I would have very much liked for my son to rise up from his bed with a smile on his face and a song in his heart.  No such luck.  Instead, some evil little being was pulled from bed kicking and grunting and saying no no no.  I just think it would have been easier at that point to have a pig in the back yard and cast out the evil in Jesus name.  Am I so wrong to think such things?   In the immortal words of Rodney King, “Can’t we all just get along?”

Well, I think I’m done here.  I think maybe I’ve thought about this too much.  I think you may be trying to get ahold of a family member of mine to get me some help.  I think I’ve said too much. 

I’m done now – for today – unless I have anything else earth shattering to share. 

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth



  1. Too funny. I had a couple of demons in my kid on Saturday that I would have gladly cast out for a happier flower girl. 🙂

    And what is it with Moms and the “Rise and Shine” song? My mom used to ALWAYS sing this to me all cheerful-like in the morning and I HATED IT. Loved God, hated the song.

    And you know what? I’ve caught myself singing it to Paul a time or two, and he is always like, “Shut UP! My mom sang that to me when I was little and I hated it!”

    And do you think I will sing it to my kid? Oh yes. Because we obviously have to turn in our Mom Cards if we don’t.

    Thanks for the good lesson in child-rearing and relating it to the Bible. I’m with ya, Sister.

  2. Maybe we should see if we can get a discount on pigs, go out to one of the farms, and take Paul with us, along with all the kids! Do you think it will work?

  3. Maybe he “could have a special breakfast today because”… he’s “special.”
    That cute pic of him in your previous post couldn’t possibly reflect a child in need of exorcism.

    Try appealing to his senses…the smell of your breakfast bacon wraps pervading throughout the house and the sound of his daddy’s loudest supercharged small engine roaring while you on your megaphone announce, “Gentlemen, start your engines…”

    That should get him going 🙂

  4. We call our pet hedge hog “the hog” but I don’t think that’s the kind of pig you are looking for-sorry!

    ps I like all the white space very comforting….

  5. Mackenzie will do that in the mornings too. She can wake up so sweet and then the next thing you know.. wham! Here’s a cute little story that happend during Mackenzie’s fist week of preschool.
    Me: What did you do at preschool today?
    Mackenzie: Played with Maya.
    Me: What did you play?
    Mackenzie: We hid under the slide.
    Me: What did the other kids do? \
    Mackenzie: Got naked. *** hold the train****
    Me : What?!? Naked?!?
    Mackenzie: Yep.
    Me: Did you get naked?
    Mackenzie: No, me and Maya we kept our clothes on.
    Me: That’s good! (Whew) What did the teacher say?
    Mackenzie: Put your clothes back on kids!
    At this point she has decided that the conversation was over before I was ready to end it!.. I finally looked her in the eye and said. Mackenzie are you telling me a story??? She giggled and said.. I was just teasing!! Oh the stories I had better prepare for. She just turned 4 at the end of August and is comming up with some great ones! Wish me luck!

  6. […] had to do something – we didn’t have swine with […]

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