Posted by: simplyelizabeth | October 8, 2008

Worship Him Wednesday! – Slap Your Hubby, or not

 Do you sometimes struggle with your role in marriage?  I think most of us do.  We’re supposed to be encouragers and a help mate to our spouse.  Do you find it hard to do that when you feel he’s not holding up his end of the bargain?  Sometimes the question for me is, “How do you build your spouse up when you really just want to slap him around?”


Sure, go ahead and laugh, but we’ve all been there sister.  Once the honeymoon is over you start to notice all those annoying little habits that you thought were cute in the beginning.  Don’t be naïve with me.  You remember.  You thought he was the strong, silent type only to find out he really just has a hard time communicating.  You thought the way he ate was manly, only to realize no one bothered to teach him manners (or he didn’t bother to listen).  You loved that he was so good with his money and then discovered he’s actually one of the world’s pre-eminent experts on “how to tighten your budget, even if it strangles you.”  Maybe your man isn’t as drastic as one of these examples, but I bet you get the picture. 


Marriage was never intended to be a disappointment or feel like your trapped in a torture chamber.  Marriage is meant to mirror our Heavenly Father’s relationship with us.  Wow!  When it’s put it that way, I suddenly feel a little less than adequate in holding up my end of the deal. 


We often have fantasy like expectations, we’ll call them PMF’s (pre-marriage fantasy), of what our marriage will be like and then it just doesn’t happen the way we planned.  Why do our husbands find it so hard to meet our needs?  If they would just do what we want, when we want, life would be so much easier!  Wouldn’t it?  The answer to this question is no. 


Our husbands were not designed to meet our every need.  They were designed to be our partners.  We are to compliment each other, not complete each other.  The only one that can complete us and fill our every need is God.  All of our inadequacies can only be changed by our maker.  He knows us better than anyone else.  Psalm 139:13 says, “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  God knows us intimately.  The fact remains, no matter how well you and your husband know each other, no one will ever know you better than your Heavenly Father. 


As much as some of us would like to believe that it is our husband’s job to cater to us and provide for our every need, it’s just not true.  It is our job to build our husbands up, encourage them, support them and yes, even submit.  Submission does not mean you’re a door mat.  We submit to the relationship because God ordained our husbands to be the head of the household.   Someone has to have the final word, and honestly, if it were up to us, well; there may never be a final word.  Besides, our husbands don’t seem to have the emotional swings we may experience at times.  Don’t be offended.  Let me give you an example.  Let’s say you and your husband and your teenage child are discussing where he/she will be attending college.  There are many, many things for all of you to consider.  I like to think I have a level head on my shoulders, but I know there are some days where the location of the nearest Baskin Robbins to campus could be a deal maker or breaker for me.


Don’t think I’m letting them off the hook for their responsibilities.  They have plenty and should honor them accordingly.  If your hubby is not, go to the Lord prayer.  Let me know, if you feel comfortable enough, and I’ll pray for you too. 


I guess the point is that everyone needs to start somewhere and God isn’t going to hold you responsible for what your hubby does or does not do – but He will hold you responsible for your actions.  So go on now and lift you husband, the person you’re one with, up to the Lord and lift him up yourself with words of encouragement.  Remember, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all – but do try and find something.  You may find the reward is yours for stepping out in faith.


Hey!  I’ve got a great idea for all you.  If you have not seen the movie Fireproof – Go Now!  It’s a terrific way for both of you to reconnect, if you need to, and start working toward a more Godly marriage.  If you’ve already seen it, let me know what you thought. J




Check out the Warren Barfield song Love Is Not A Fight from the movie!  It’s a totally rockin’ song, in my humble opinion.  I know your lives all hang in the balance of what my humble opinion is.






Hugs & Blessings, Elizabeth

PS – For whatever reason, the  post is kinda funny looking today, so bear with me and I’ll try to get it back to normal tomorrow – whatever normal may be. 🙂



  1. Well written!! And of course my husband never does anything that makes me want to slap him:) LOL

  2. Let us uphold, through our lives and words, the honor of marriage.
    Heb 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all..”

  3. Good blog. You can never go wrong with writing about loving our hubbies more, respecting them more, and baking for them more. 🙂
    I loved your Baskin Robbins comment, by the way.

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