Posted by: simplyelizabeth | February 18, 2009

Warning! This may take up some of your valuable time today.

So my friend Amber – yes I am calling out your name – has publically announced on Facebook that I need to provide her with a blog to read. 

Hang on to your boots sister!  Pull up the suspenders!  (Is that even a saying?  Sounds like it might be painful.)  Fasten your seat belt because here it comes!

You may get more than you bargained for.  Of course, if you don’t, you can’t complain because you asked for it.  Besides, who’d listen?

Disclaimer – If you are disappointed in the content that follows . . . . I’m sorry.  You have been duly warned that this will be a stream of conscious ramble that may or may not include a rant.  Try to remember, I’m ADHD.

I thank you for you support and understanding in advance. 

I think I will start with Valentines Day.  It was Saturday you know.  My DD had a volleyball tournament and DS#1 had a basketball game.  This meant that DH and I needed to divide and conquer.  Of course, when we do this there is always question as to how we will divide the kiddos.  We decided that DS#2 would travel with me and DS#3 would go with him. 

I had no idea where the school was to which we were traveling so I did what all traveler’s do when they don’t know where they’re going –  I mapquested it.  DS#2 and I flew out the door with our directions in hand.  We were prepared.  I knew that mapquest said it would take about 29 minutes to get to our destination.   I was running late – because that’s what I do – so I knew the game would be started when we got there.  I also knew I could live with that because DD is not a starter so she wouldn’t be in yet. 

We drove and drove and I was following the directions beautifully.  You would have thought I was a born navigator.  Then it happened.  I came to the final instruction telling me where to turn and I couldn’t find the street.  Well, I found the street, but it was a dead end – and the school was not at the dead end.  OK.  No big deal.  It can’t be that hard to find.  It’s a fairly small community.  I looked at the address of the school and thought, “I can figure this out.  I’m a born navigator.”  I was wrong.  I took a 20-25 minute tour throughout the country side while DS#2 started the traveling chant of children everywhere, “Are we there yet?  When will we be there mom?  We’ve been driving for a long time, how much longer?  I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”  Yep.  I heard ’em all.

What to do?  I called my friend Jennifer because she had been in that neck of the woods before.  She talked me through to the school.  If I was a little late before, I was really late now.  We parked and ran into the school and saw the girls playing.  It was their second game.  I paid $5 for the two of us to get into the game.  We quickly walked through the gym to where our school was sitting and found a seat for ourselves.  We settled in and found out that the girls had lost their first game.  The second one was not going very well. 

I kid you, we weren’t there for 10 minutes and the whole thing was over.  We lost.  The girls were so disappointed. 

Now I’m going to be brutally honest and hope this doesn’t get back to any of the other mothers. 

Don’t tell, OK?

I was not that disappointed because if we would have won, we would have been there for the whole day.  We would have been there until at least 3pm, and admittedly, selfishly, I wasn’t looking forward to spending my day that way. 

There’s my ugly, truthful admission.  Please forgive me!

So we went home.

And I didn’t get lost.

After lunch, I decided I needed a new top to “wow” the hubster for our dinner plans that night.  I announced that I wanted to got to the mall to get a new top.  I told him about all the great sales that were going on.  He looked at me the way men look at their wives when they say they need/want a new article of clothing.  I believe his eyes said, “What are all those things hanging up in your closet?”, but his mouth did not.  (Isn’t he a good hubby?)  And with that, I was off again.  This time I took DS#3 with me.  He was just sure he wanted to be with his mommy.  He pinky promised me that he would behave and do what I told him to do – or not do.

We drove to the mall and entered into a sale paradise.  Everywhere I looked there were racks of items with sale signs standing as beacons of light above them.  I was so excited!  DS#3, not so much.  There were also people everywhere trying to take advantage of these sales.  We navigated our way to the petite department (remember, I’m 5’0″) and I immediately found the perfect top for the night.  It was a red scoop neck, 3/4 length top with a black placket to cover cleavage that may want to make an appearance. 

Because I found it so quickly, I decided I should explore some other departments and see what the sales were like there.

Because it was Valentine’s Day, I thought I would treat myself to a new nightie.  I haven’t had one since DS#1 was born.  I thought it would be nice to sleep in something that was meant to be slept in as opposed to a T-shirt.  I thought that because it was the day of love that DH may consider it something of a gift from me to him.  (Yes, I’ll stop there.) 🙂

In order to get to the department with nightie’s, you must pass through many undergarments.  Remember that I told you DS#3 was with me?  He had something to say about the undergarments.

What? 

You want to know?

Well, I couldn’t understand what he was saying at first, so I asked him to repeat it.  I, yet again, could not decipher what it was my son was saying, so I asked him once more.

Before I go on, let us remember that there are people practically crawling all over the place because of the great sales that are going on.  Let us also remember that DS#3 is 4 1/2 and low to the ground and the things that are hanging on the racks are eye level as well as above and below him.  He was surrounded by the undergarments.  The undergarments almost engulfed the poor boy. 

Are you ready for it?

DS #3 said, very clearly this time, “Look at all the boobs!” 

Oh yes he did. 

Yes, it was loud.

Yes, people looked.

Well of course I was embarrassed!  It’s in his contract as a kid.

Don’t think Iwon’t return the favor when he’s a teenager.  It’s in my contract as a mom.

We don’t even say “boobs” at our house.  I have strange anatomically incorrect names for private parts and my one I grew up with, and have passed on, for those are beebites. 

Yeah.  I know it’s weird, but I’m sure you have weird names for things too.

Oh yes you do too, you’re just not willing to admit it on the world wide web.

So, that was only half of my exciting day.  I’ll tell you more later.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Have a great day kids!

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

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Responses

  1. Beebites? That is a new one on me! Fun stories of your weekend. I love the image of you chanting in your head, “I am a born navigator. I am a born navigator.”

  2. Welcome back! I love it!!

  3. My sister’s son once said he wants to have big bo-bo’s like his mommy someday! Let’s hope that doesn’t come true!

  4. Yay!! A new blog!!

    I had to navigate Noah through the undergarment section, while I was looking for a new bra when he was about that age, he decided he would sqeeze all the bras while I wasn’t looking. I caught him when he started giggling!! 🙂

  5. you asked him to repeat it–I bet you hesitate next time (or just ask him later at home)

    glad you are back

  6. Hey…. Gman was bearly three years old when he said to the biker dude (very large biker dude) standing behind us… “I pee in the big potty. Do you do that?”

    Sometimes, having a verbally gifted child is not really a gift to the parent!!!
    -d

  7. […] was talking with my dear SIL Kathy (Hi Kathy!) and shared the story of DS#3 wandering through the bras.  She liked it.  She shared with me that her two boys call bras “boob […]


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