Posted by: simplyelizabeth | October 20, 2009

I’m Sorry – So Sorry

Sometimes sorry just isn’t good enough – is it?  Well, it seems to me that I am constantly telling you that I haven’t been here for this reason or that, but the real truth is I haven’t made what I say are my priorities a priority. 

Was the above sentence even near grammatically correct?  I shudder to think what would happen if I stopped to break it down.  Therefore, I won’t.

So, do you all ever find yourselves in this dilemma?

I told my BFF the other day that I think I’ve been this way since shortly after DS#3 was conceived – 5 1/2 yrs ago.  I believe it’s brain damage and I believe it’s a genetic defect that I have passed on to my offspring.

Poor babies.  They don’t stand a chance. Pray for them sisters!

Back to the issue at hand.  I seem to have been plagued with a lack of commitment, follow through and general irresponsibility. 

I know. 

It’s bad. 

I have neglected my house, my finances, my body, sometimes my hubby, sometimes study time with the kiddos, personal time with the kiddos, study time with my sweet Jesus and very sadly, my blog.  These are in no particular order, by the way. 

Yep.  I’m a bad, bad girlie.

Now, I know I’ve been down this road with you before.  The road that reveals every pothole and crack in my life.  The road that needs milled and resurfaced, not just repaired and patched. 

Is your road rough?

I think I’m in desperate need of transformation.  I also may need to alter my expectations, but that’s a conversation for another time.

This is what I want for my family and my house and myself.  I want a picked up house.  I want the people in my house to help each other with dishes, clothes and dusting and vacuuming.  I want to go to the bathroom without having to see if the toilet seat has dribbles.  I want to allow myself ample time in the morning to do meditation, prayer and exercise.  I want to have a family night and a weekly family devotional.  I want to teach my children, but example, that when you give to others, you get so much more back. I want to have dinner at the table with conversation, real conversation, instead of telling people, “Noises that mimic bodily functions are not acceptable while eating!”  I want to have a budget that reflects what’s really important to my family.  I really truly want to write for someone besides myself.  I want to unleash my crafty creative side.  I want to be 2 sizes smaller.  I want to be my hubby’s help mate and support.

Good gracious!  That’s a lot of wants.

More than all of those listed above, I want to be in the center of God’s will for my life and remain steadfast in my devotion to Him.  I’m cheating Him, and He doesn’t approve.  If I could get it through my thick skull, when I cheat Him, I’m really cheating myself.

So, at what point do you feel desperate enough to put the pedal to the metal? When do your feet go walkin’ where your mouth’s been talkin’?  When does the rubber hit the road?

Any other sayings you’d like to add?

I’ve made these confessions before.  I’ve even professed to repent, but my repentance has repented and I find myself back in the same hole, but a bit deeper.

I want order for my family and myself.  I want the order that God promises when we follow Him.  I’m not so naive to think my life will fall into place and I’ll never have another problem.  I do know that I won’t have the worry and fret that accompany problems. 

Hmmmm. 

Maybe I should force you all to be my accountability partners.  I think my situation is such that it requires more than one person to bear this load. It’s a pretty heavy load and my mom will tell you it’s no picnic.  It’s not for the the faint of heart my friends.

Should I post a weekly goal and have you check in? 

That doesn’t sound like fun. 

Maybe a year long experiment?

We’ll see.  Maybe.

What’s your road look like?  Is it basically smooth at this point in your life or do you need a bail out plan to fix it?  Do you feel your life is revealing to others what you say is important?

Blessings & Hugs, Elizabeth

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Responses

  1. I feel your pain. I feel as if I have a giant pothole in my road right now, that desperately needs to be fixed.

    Good blog!! BTW how would one go about applying for that bail out plan? 🙂

  2. My road goes up to high mountains, then down to low valleys. May seem like a beautiful vision, but they come and go so fast you feel a little sick.

    Accountability is Good! My motto You can’t expect to be responsible without someone holding you accountable. James Dobson said it about kids, I find it true for myself.

  3. I guess I will have to comment as Paul. He is always logged in now for his blog, and I can’t remember what my password was. 🙂
    It’s okay to want all of those things. They are worthy goals, and all good things when accomplished. I think Angie is right…we long to be consistent, but life is really a pendulum in many areas, swinging back and forth. Just remember to give yourself grace, too, and not be too hard on yourself. 🙂
    Love,
    Amy


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